For all Gentiles who feel left out from Chanukkah, here’s a little poem with help from my good friend Julie Kielts…
By Dr. Max Zaslavsky
‘Twas the night before Christmas in the life of Dr Max
With crowns ready to seat and dentures in wax
Our patients have been treated with the utmost of care
To use up insurance before End of Year
The patients were nestled all snug in their beds
Pondering “What kind of filling? Do Amalgams have lead?”
We spend many hours talking brushing and flossing
Some patients comply; others think we’re just bossing
When out in the reception room arose such a clatter!
It’s just Dr. Max, perfecting his chatter!
He makes us forget that the dentist is scary
Each patient that leaves, hears stories of Tooth Fairies!
The moon shines so bright on our patient’s new crowns
Giving luster to their smiles, erasing their frowns!
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Blue and White sleigh, with just four reindeer!
Now, who is that driving? So Nimble and Quick?
Hey, Dr. Max, what’d you do with St. Nick???!?
“Guess who I saw while visiting the Zoo?”
Santa was sent to find a good Jew!
Santa told me he wanted to try Hanukkah
So he searched for a man with a nice Yamakah
“I was told you’d be game, you’re such a good guy!”
You’ll have such a blast! Those four Reindeer can FLY!
“But leading the sleigh up there in the front
Her name is Maria and if I may be blunt…
She’ll keep you in line with her red nose and mittens
And may I just say, I suspect you’ll be smitten!
Then Joanne our hygienist shoots cavitron tips as if she carries a Ruger
Don’t fuss at her or she may try to shoot ya!
There’s Monica who always come in blaring!
That little beauty keep all the guys staring!
And Ross our office manager with bags of peanut butter and jelly!
I’ve sent him along to keep food in your belly!
Then, just like that! The Sleigh it took flight!
The reflective Tefillin Tape, shining in the moonlight
Up to the house-tops the rowdy crew flew!
With a Sleigh full of toys, and Dr.Max too!
And then, what was that? What’s that out the window?
It’s Doc Tim and Andre with fresh Pedicured Toes!
We drew in our heads and turned all around
Down the chimney came Dr. Max with a bound.
He was dressed all Captain America from his head to his toe!
Shield on one arm, the other a cross-bow (he borrowed it from Hawkeye)!
A bundle of toys in a florescent blue and white sack,
He looked like a hunter, was he here to ransack?
His eyes were mischievous, yet his heart big and mooshy
Just like Impregum, that stuff is so gooshy!
His mouth was drawn up in a “no good” grin
He does like to drink, so was it Gin?
The stump of a pipe, he held looking silly
He doesn’t inhale, he’s just like Slick Willy!
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
He let us know, there was nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
And filled all the stocking and turned with a jerk.
He ate all the cookies and then yelled, “Hooray!”
He brushed and he flossed to avoid tooth decay!
He left everyone a new Oral-B
“Use Baking Sode and Peroxide and you’ll keep your teeth!”
And laying a finger on the side of his nose
And give a nose, up the chimney he rose!
Much to our amazement the Reindeer were still present
That Santa’s so smart, he sent Max some Pheasants!
So Doc Max could hung while delivering gifts
And Vacations could happen for Good ‘Ole St. Nick!